I am trying to write a book. I have tried to write something worth publishing my entire adult life and I’ve never been able to sit my bi-polar ass down long enough to truly focus and dedicate myself to the task. I have the stories to tell. I have the desire to do the work, but I’ll write a chapter or two, maybe even several more and then it happens; I get sidetracked and lose my way.
I have wanted to be writer all of my life because writing is one of the things that I was relatively good at and it stayed something I was able to do through all of my changes, challenges and struggles. It didn’t abandon me. It was loyal and I loved the success it brought me. All I had to do was stay loyal to it.
But unlike most, if not all of the writers that I have come across, I don’t write because writing is my main goal. I write because I’m trying to get somewhere else in my life. I have a dream. I have a purpose and writing was supposed to be the tool that got me to that realization. I’ve been working towards something since I was a child and the only path I’ve ever known to get me there was to perhaps write something that people would appreciate.
I realize that if a true author were to read that last bit he or she might say they were happy that I’ve never been successful if that was how I felt about the craft. I mean, I do know that writing is supposed to be something you’re in love with. It’s not supposed to be something you use. We have romantic notions about our artists. We want them all to be Neil Young and we scoff at the Vince Neil’s. But it’s not as if I don’t feel passionately about what I write or the actual process. It’s just that I do have an even greater calling. I am completely obsessed with an even more brilliant task put before me.
I wanted a door to resources. I wanted the ability to find a voice and bring people to the table so that my voice could be heard. And before the “social media” revolution it wasn’t as clear as to how I was going to go about things. When I first started this journey there weren’t blogs, Facebook and twitter. I thought that I had the option only of getting a book published, having people enjoy it and then having them promote me to some status of someone they might listen to. I know that sounds so cocky or insane. I promise I am not as arrogant as this is making me out to be. I have just been so driven by one simple guiding force, one basic premise and nothing else has really ever made sense to me.
When I was a child my mother had this old alarm clock radio. And every morning, without fail, it would go off at 7:15 AM and it would be this Christian Broadcasting Network. There would be children singing a bible song, a family style bible quiz; both of which always bored me and then a pastor who gave a sermon. Now, this guy had already been dead for a number of years. I didn’t know that at the time, I found out a few years later. But they just played tapes of his sermons. Every morning, his speech would address an issue that mattered to me. I listened and it touched me. I felt like this man understood me.
I have gone through so many phases with my religious belief, from Catholic, to Christian, to Pagan to Atheist and then through them all again. But I remember this man and how much it meant to me to have him with me every morning through what was a very difficult childhood and teenage set of years. And what wound up meaning the most to me was how he said goodbye. Every morning, without fail, he would say, “Walk with the King today and Be a Blessing!”
Even when I don’t believe in the “King”, whether I’m going through an atheist phase or challenging god, I just drop that part. It’s never been about that. But what means the world to me, what has ALWAYS directed every moment of my consciences and all of my hope for my future is the concept of “Be a Blessing!”
This writing gig, I love it. And it matters to me. I want to tell stories that touch people and that share who I am and that maybe makes a difference to those that read them. But yes, there is a motive behind what I do. I want people who have resources well beyond what they need to read what I have written, find me interesting, enjoy me and maybe, if at all possible, give me the opportunity to convince them to share a little of their good fortune with those who have so little that they do not have enough. I want to encourage people to “Be a Blessing”. I want to use writing so that I may be used as an instrument so that more and more people can find that joy in sharing and offering up what they have to those that need it.
This is what I daydream about all day long. This is what stops me from writing that book because I get sidetracked with what I want to do, how I would do it. But I need to buckle down. I know I do. I want to do great things. And I believe I can, with everyone’s help. So I have to sit down and write something entertaining. Something that warrants your attention, your love, your participation. And together, we’re going to “Be a Blessing!”